Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - January 2013

01/01/13  ||  Global Domination

Aeon: Aeons black

8.0/10

Habakuk: Sweden’s answer to Cannibal Corpse seems stronger than ever. 8

CadenZ: Huge and archetypal as a morbid angel the size of a behemoth. 8

BamaHammer: This is how it’s done, folks. Massive production, brutal yet groovy riffs, and a healthy does of Swedish expertise combine to create Aeon’s best record to date. 8

Sokaris: Evil Cannibal Corpse is back! These guys are really straightforward in what they do (like the aforementioned death metal legends) in delivering crushing precision. Bring a neck brace. 8

Pr0nogo: Hey everybody, Aeon’s back! Wait… 8

Shining: Redefining darkness

7.2/10

Habakuk: A bit too mental for my taste, but if that’s what you’re looking for… 6

CadenZ: Quality album throughout, but sadly missing the highest peaks. Kvarforth has made leaps in his voice control and his cleans have never sounded better – when he sings in Swedish. When he switches to English, and it’s the same with his screams, he loses the gravitas his mother tongue delivery has. Good, but the previous albums are better. 8

BamaHammer: It’s not the best Shining album out there, but it’s really damn good. The saxophone in “The Ghastly Silence” is fucken epic. It’s also good to hear the band get a little more back to black. 8

Sokaris: Until recently I’d avoided Shining since the whole suicidal/depressive black metal thing seemed like the grim equivalent of pornogrind or something equally stupid. Well, a lot of it is, but Shining are their own entity, really. Kvarforth might be crazy but sanity was never required to make a good metal album. Anyone else think its pretty out there that guitarists from Anthrax and King Diamond are on here? 7

Pr0nogo: Hey, cool, a band that doesn’t SUCK DICK. 7

Grave Digger: Clash of the gods

6.4/10

Habakuk: Mr. Boltendahl is still the chief of irritating English vocals. The only song by Grave Digger I like remains Häwwi Medal Breakdowowowown. 4

CadenZ: Stupid and stompy, but catchy and passionate which wins the cake. Boltendahl’s vocal cords probably look like a cheese grater by now. 6

BamaHammer: It’s a Grave Digger album. If you like other Grave Digger albums, then it stands to reason you’ll dig this. Nothing new or groundbreaking for the band, but it is a solid heavy metal album by one of the genre’s old farts. 7

Sokaris: Crunchy, modernized heavy metal with just a touch of a folky bounce and occasional synth topped off with ultra-manly German vocals. I need to pick up one of their ten thousand albums one of these days. 8

Pr0nogo: What is it with bands and fast speeds these days? I like it as much as the next guy, but it seems that if I’m not hearing some half-assed poppy bullshit, I’m hearing the snare being hit over and over again. Well, Grave Digger, whatever floats your boat! 7

Deftones: Koi no yokan

6.2/10

Habakuk: Reasonably heavy at times and not too strong on the apathetic wavering, this is actually quite okay. 7

CadenZ: I’ve been waiting for this album since “White Pony”. Crank it up and feel. Man, that sounded gay. 8

BamaHammer: Easily the best Deftones album to hit the shelves in a decade. Chino Moreno never fails to captivate me. Not their best work by a long shot, but it’s worthy of a few listens. 7

Sokaris: Deftones are kind of like the Pearl Jam of nu-metal in the way they outgrew the movement they were a part of and aged better than most of their peers. I wouldn’t buy this but it’s an interesting stew of the esoteric and the commercial. 5

Pr0nogo: Never been a Deftones fan. Never liked their music all that much. Never understood why people liked them at all. Can you see where this is going? Hint: I still don’t. 4

My Dying Bride: A map of all our failures

6.2/10

Habakuk: Wow this is annoying. These guys might have invented that depressive death/doom shit, but I cannot for the life of me listen to that whiny vocalist. 2

CadenZ: I’ve never been a fan of MDB, particularly due to the vocalist sucking in all existing keys, and in some that he invented himself. This time, though…I just love this. I don’t know what the difference between this and previous albums is, but it surely is pointing in the right direction. 8

BamaHammer: This shit…is so slow…that it can…hardly keep…my attention. It makes my…mind wander…and think…of other shit…like Darkthrone…and pickles. Don’t respect…my opinion…on dooooooooom. Fuck. 5

Sokaris: An appropriately miserable (in a good way of course) album for the holiday season. The band brings back the violin, to great effect. Surprisingly aggressive and mournful simultaneously. These guys lost me for a couple albums but the last EP and this are a damn fine return to form. 9

Pr0nogo: A solid set of doom metal, complete with aggressive bits and gothic overtones. Not really my cup of tea – it kind of puts me to sleep, to be honest – but what I heard before I snoozed was actually really good! 7

Destruction: Spiritual genocide

5.8/10

Habakuk: …they even have the “let’s recycle old album titles into lyrics” song. Retro-shtick deluxe. Not bad, but not too interesting either. 6

CadenZ: Ah, the days when thrash metal had some frenzy to it. Good ol’ days of yore. 5

BamaHammer: Just like with every Destruction album I’ve heard before this one, I dig everything but Schmier’s vocals. They’ve always been a band that I honestly want to like, but I just can’t. The riffs and solos are ace though. 6

Sokaris: Slightly disappointing. I love the new Destruction (not to be confused with “neo” Destruction… that never happened, right guys?) with all its slickness, over-dubbed vocals and infernal guest appearance overkill but they’ve been struggling to put out something beyond merely pretty good recently. 6

Pr0nogo: A high-octane, punishing dose of old-school thrash with modern production. Not a bad listen by any means, but a tad boring? Oh yeah. 6

Pig Destroyer: Book burner

5.4/10

Habakuk: “Pig Destroyer” is actually Suaheli for “quality”. 8

CadenZ: Meh. Good energy but no riffs worthy of mention. 5

BamaHammer: I forgot about these crazy fuckos. I loved “Prowler in the yard” back in the day, and this one is really just nowhere near that good. The riffs are just not interesting. I’m bored to death with this. Sad. 4

Sokaris: Well if we’re gonna fuck up livestock I’d rather decapitate cattle but this’ll do. A little too stop-start for me to give high marks though, I like my grindcore with a bit of a thrashier swing to it. 5

Pr0nogo: Huh. Not sure how to feel about this, so I guess I don’t. A pretty easy record to just ignore. 5

Soundgarden: King animal

5.2/10

Habakuk: Decent, grungy rock. Nothing wrong with that, nothing great about it either. 6

CadenZ: I love Soundgarden. I do not love this record. 5

BamaHammer: Well, the production sounds like shit, so they’ve got that going for them. Otherwise it sounds like a compilation of all the Soundgarden tracks from the past that I used to skip. Not awful, but nowhere near great either. It just feels ultimately forgettable. 5

Sokaris: Holy shit, rock music that doesn’t sound artificial and awkward. Also someone owes me money, I totally called them as being the next 90’s band to regroup. 6

Pr0nogo: Soundgarden’s still a band? Why? 4

Tiamat: The scarred people

4.4/10

Habakuk: Gothic rock with super whacky lyrics. No thanks! 3

CadenZ: As much as I dig Tiamat, this album just isn’t doing it for me. Monotone and boring. I am disappoint. 4

BamaHammer: I had hopes for this album. Then I heard it. I don’t know if they’re aware of this or not, but, uh, old dude can’t sing for shit. 4

Sokaris: I’m laughably out-of-touch with modern Tiamat. Their last album I have had its 20th birthday this year. Somber and dark yet rich with light notes. Wine review or the new Tiamat? 5

Pr0nogo: Well, I’ll be damned: the only non-metal release here that I actually liked. Of course, it isn’t really my thing, but I can appreciate the lyricism and the complexity of what Tiamat is doing here. It certainly gets me interested in what their death metal days sounded like. 6

Richie Sambora: Aftermath of the lowdown

3.8/10

Habakuk: Who is this? Why am I listening to Radio Rock? I want answers. 3

CadenZ: Richie Sambora once again proves that he can sing, play the guitar and write songs without that one singer in his band. He doesn’t do it exceptionally well, the Foo Fighters-tinged happy-rock songs (“Nowadays”) don’t work as well as the bluesier ones (“Taking a Chance on the Wind”) for example, but it’s still quite decent. 6

BamaHammer: Bon Jovi sucks. Richie Sambora sucks. I could not possibly imagine a reality in which I would willfully listen to something like this shitty, pussified AOR. 3

Sokaris: And our monthly requirement of one Dad Rock album per Autopsy is fulfilled. It’s a boring collection of songs all stabbing to be radio hits and get Sambora some royalties he doesn’t have to hand the majority of over to Bon Jovi. 3

Pr0nogo: Is this hick music? No? Might as well be. 4

Ill Niño: Epidemia

3.6/10

Habakuk: Certainly better than the reputation the name suggests. Somewhat heavy and catchy songwriting. 6

CadenZ: Somewhere between all right and annoying we find Ill Añus. I like the percussion stuff. 4

BamaHammer: You know what’s awesome? Not Ill Nino. 3

Sokaris: Me-too nu-metallers try to be mean and angry. Hilarity ensues. 2

Pr0nogo: Hahaha, “Ill Niño” sounds like a rapper. Haha… Oh. This is almost worse. 3

Doro: Raise your fist

3.4/10

Habakuk: Does the same thing she’s always done to rather lame riffing, and When she starts in German, oh boy. 5

CadenZ: What’s the definition of tired? When your hit song rips off “Keep on Rockin’ in the Free World”, the next song starts with a reference to “Heart of Gold” and the chorus lyrics read Looking for a lover/No cold hearted lover/Rock me like no other/My true metal lover. 3

BamaHammer: Raise your fist, and fist yourself. Until you die. Which can’t be very long now. 3

Sokaris: Heavy metal’s queen of cougardom turns in a lackluster effort. Sounds a bit like some leftover W.A.S.P. songs, cut for their lack of energy. Doro sounds best with a speed metal edge and there should’ve been more songs like “Rock till death” and “Take no prisoner.” 4

Pr0nogo: I knew this was a bad idea as soon as the first track began. Those lyrics… UGH. K’s just going to love this. 2

All That Remains: A war you cannot win

3.0/10

Habakuk: Sugary melodic mallcore, at least competently executed. Still, all that remains is to hit delete. 4

CadenZ: I just realized that bands of this moronic persuasion want to be AOR bands from the 80’s, a la Journey, coupled with glam rock. Too bad they don’t go full out, but incorporate the stupid scream vocals and thus fall short of the X at the end of the rainbow. Also, you need a good (clean) vocalist with a good range, and this guy’s not exactly Steve Perry… 3

BamaHammer: Is it thrash? Is it death? Is it hardcore? Who knows? This is exactly the kind of garbage that gives the American metal scene its laughable image. Fuck this band and all bands like them. All that remains is the recycle bin. 3

Sokaris: An album you should not buy. Inoffensive guitar riffs, half-assed wimpy singing meets goofy barking and so much dullness. 2

Pr0nogo: Plenty of power chords that sound inspired, but ultimately fall flat if you decide to listen closely enough. Metalcore’s been known to try to fake musical talent by being poppy. Not working here, folks. You’re lucky you got this much out of me. Go tour with The Teeth. 3

Geoff Tate: Kings & thieves

2.8/10

Habakuk: I’ll just namedrop “Operation:Mindcrime”. And no. 3

CadenZ: TATE. WAT R U DOIN. TATE. STAHP. 3

BamaHammer: Wait, is this the guy from Queensryche? Ha, wow. 3

Sokaris: I’m giving this two points for laugh I got from the opening to The way I roll. 2

Pr0nogo: You really just named a song “Say U Luv it”? Fuck you! 3

Papa Roach: The connection

2.2/10

Habakuk: They’re doing their thing, and nobody here likes them. Next! 4

CadenZ: What she said. 1

BamaHammer: Papa Roach and This or the Apocalypse should fight each other to the death. The winner should die. 2

Sokaris: Some of my favorite synonyms for weak from Thesaurus.com: debilitated, decrepit, delicate, efette, enervated, exhausted, faint, feeble, flaccid, limp, spindly. Just go ahead and pick one for this crap. 1

Pr0nogo: Going straight from a solid set of doom to actual musical doom has a way of making me feel homicidal. Papa Roach was cliché enough to actually title a track “Still Swingin’”. Yeah, we know, Papa. “Where Did the Angels go”, you ask? Up yer ass. 3